But seriously, folks

I know I probably more than used up all my allotted "talking about the new Harry Potter flick" points with the hotties list. I thought I could refrain from actually doing a movie review, but as it turns out, I can't. If you're one of those stuffy, unimaginative types that hates Harry Potter, you can go check the stock market, iron your underwear, reorganize your pocket protector, or whatever it is you stuffy, unimaginative types do for fun.

This was definitely the most seriously scary of all the HP movies (possibly with the exception of the swarm of Aragog's giant spider-children in a previous episode), but happily the producers did not get so caught up in the scary parts that they forgot to put in the funny bits. This movie has a good, healthy dose of funny bits - mostly about the wacky, desperately awkward moments that kids go through in their early teens. Our good pal Ron Weasley is the vehicle for most of these laughs, although Harry gets his fair share, too.



The thing that really grabs and holds the audience with these movies is that they allow - nay, even encourage - us to get emotionally attached to all of the characters in the story. They've kept all the main professors and other characters in the cast throughout the string of movies - something that most sequels usually don't do, whether for budget reasons or whatever. With each successive movie, we love Albus Dumbledore even more - and Hagrid, and Professor McGonagal, and even Filch and his weird cat, Mrs. Norris. We even love Draco and (sigh) Lucius Malfoy, because they give us the chance to hiss and boo and yell, "Down with that sort of thing!" By giving us back these characters again and again, they enrich our appreciation of the story being presented, and they tug the heartstrings as we get to know and love the cast of characters over time.


Action-wise, this movie really takes you on an incredible ride. The special effects have been fine-tuned to completely allow you to submerge yourself in the moment, and to believe that Harry is being attacked by a real dragon, or by whatever the hell that was underwater - eeek!

This is the first H.P. plot where Harry begins to realize that the older staff members of Hogwarts are not infallible. Aside from the awakening of young romantic love, this is one of the most poignant parts of the film. Every child loves the feeling of riding in the back seat of mom and dad's car, knowing that their parents can handle anything that comes up. But there's that moment when they learn that parents and/or teachers have weaknesses, and it's a sobering "growing up" moment in a kid's life. "The Goblet of Fire" handles this life lesson perfectly - getting the point across memorably without being sappy or overdone.

Frankly, I think kids will be too scared to realize there's a moral point there - but they'll get it anyway. This is not a movie for little kids, unless you want them sleeping with you for the rest of your natural life. There is death, dismemberment, the reincarnation of evil, maneating shrubbery, and a lot of real creepiness in this flick - EXCELLENT!

I have to admit that I got a little teary-eyed when Hermione came down the stairs in her Yule ball gown, all grown-up and trying out her new wings... I remember the first film, when she was just a little mop-headed pipsqueak. How did she become this pretty, elegant creature? I could practically feel Ron Weasley's heart jump into his throat when he saw her.


I won't put any "spoilers" in this review, because that sucks. What I will say is that if you are a fan of HP, you will get a lot of good old fashioned Hogwarts fun here - broomstick rides, monsters, wondrous events in the great hall, et al. Plus a lot of new thrills - underwater craziness, He Who Must Not Be Named - in person (aaagh!), a giantess, and the Tri-Wizard Tournament, which is thrilling and horrific at the same time.

What to watch for: The ways in which the competing school teams arrive at Hogwarts - amazing stuff!!

For any movie snobs reading this post: Harry Potter was good enough for Kenneth Branagh, Gary Oldman, John Cleese, Miranda Richardson, Emma Thompson, and Ralph Fiennes. I don't wanna hear yer codswallop! Go soak yer head.