OwOOOOOOOOO! Beowulf!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...



Those lips!

Those eyes!

Sure, it's animated, but it's STILL ANGIE.

And she's still doing her "Alexander" accent...(?!?)

Marcheline's Household Hints: Vol. IV

After years of making breakfast, Marcheline has finally perfected the art of the classic favorite, "Chicken In A Basket". Which, when you think of it, is a pretty cruel name for an egg dish, since the chicken never really got to BE a chicken.... but I digress.

Chicken In A Basket, for you Eggo waffle people (leggo!), is a toasty, warm, delicious breakfast - and Marcheline is going to share the magic with you! Right now! If you can get your eyes off Bettie Page for just a second, that is...

Chicken In A Basket:

Take one slice of your favorite bread. Turn a shot glass upside down and position it directly over the center of the bread. Push down and turn slightly, so that a perfect little circle is cut out. With your index finger, fish the little bread disk out of your shot glass and eat it. Voila! Hors D'ouevres! (If you're a complete pussy and don't have a shot glass, you can use a cookie cutter shaped like an eensy-weensy flower.)

Put a non-stick pan on the stove, and (here's the big helpful hint) spray it with Pam. Normally Marcheline is a strictly old-fashioned gal (at least in the kitchen - ha!) but you'll never have a better result than when you use a little Pam in the pan. Tommy Lee can attest to that.

That being said, take your Holy Bread and spread both sides with Brummel and Brown spread (or butter, if you want to be really boring). Lay it down in the center of the pan and turn on the heat to med-hi.

Gently crack an egg into the hole in the bread, taking care not to break the yolk. If you do, the Egg Police will come and take you away, and you'll miss your breakfast completely. Not to mention the fact that your non-stick pan will be ruined, since the Egg Police never bother to turn off the stove before hauling you off to be laid and beaten.

When the white of the egg has cooked, but the yolk is still tender and liquidy, take a plastic spatula and peek under the edge of the bread. When it's golden brown and looks kind of like perfect french toast, gently flip that bad boy over. Again - be careful not to break the yolk! The Egg Police are always watching.

Pontiff 'Arde Boyled, who
sanctioned the first squad of
Egg Police in Ireland

After a minute or so, peek under the edge of the bread again - when the second side is toasted, slide the whole affair off onto a plate, and add salt and pepper to taste. Marcheline has even been known to add an occasional dash of hot sauce, 'cause she's just a saucy kind of gal.

The proper way to eat Chicken In A Basket is to poke the yolk with your fork, creating a golden well of molten goodness into which you dip your periferal bites of bread, slowly working your way towards the center. Enjoy!

***************

Now that Marcheline has shared some cuisine art with you, Dear Readers, she has a question that the internet has not, thus far, been able to answer for her. Feel free to share your wisdom on the matter.

Q: What is the best method to remove the toothpaste ring from the bottom of the bathroom rinse cup? Marcheline's bathroom rinse cups are cobalt blue, and have developed iron-strong toothpaste stains at the bottom. Neither baking soda, nor white vinegar, nor lemon juice, nor bleach, nor OxyClean, nor commercial scrubbing agents, nor black witchcraft, nor a combination of all of the above, has been able to budge these awful things!

Word of warning: If you suggest I use paper cups in my bathroom, I will sick the Egg Police on you. They call me "Mama Chicken". You figure out why.

one question

Well, maybe I actually have a lot more than one (like, for example, what the HELL was this woman thinking, letting someone put this picture of her from her brief stint as an extra on "Little House on the Fairy" on the cover of her album?) (and what the HELL kind of name is "Skeeter", anyway?) - but for now this one will do.

Occasionally I ponder the Way Things Are. Evolution of different species, even. And today, hopping on a summer train of thought, I mused "why do mosquitoes inject venom into the skin of their victims when they bite?"

I mean, think about it. It's not like they kill us with the poison and then feast on our dessicating carcasses, or anything. They just create red, itchy spots that annoy the living fark out of us. Which, in turn, inspires us kill them on sight. An ounce of prevention, and all that.

Doesn't it seem that, after all this time, mosquitoes would have evolved into a better breed of bloodsucker? Doesn't it seem that they would live long and prosper, or at least long enough to drink another pint, if they left no sign that they had been there?

I, for one, would really care less if a skeeter wanted to suck a bellyfull and fly on, so long as she didn't cause me any discomfort or give me West Nile virus or anything.

So what the hell is the use of mosquito venom, from the perspective of the mosquito? Let's ask Wikipedia!

According to the Wik:

"A mosquito's period of feeding is often undetected; the bite only becomes apparent because of the immune reaction it provokes. When a mosquito bites a human, she injects saliva and anti-coagulants. For any given individual, with the initial bite there is no reaction but with subsequent bites the body's immune system develops antibodies and a bite becomes inflamed and itchy within 24 hours."

Okay, so I was wrong - it's not venom or poison, it's anti-coagulants. But my question still stands. Call it what you will, poison or anti-coagulant, it seems that if evolution does indeed help creatures strengthen the qualities that better enable their survival (vis-a-vis the giraffe and his long, long neck, the better to reach tasty young treetop leaves), these former Jurassic Parkers should have long ago developed a way to avoid being Summer Enemy Number One.

I'm just saying.

Let me be among the first to say...

From J.K. Rowling's website, which is 5 hours ahead of US.

don't say I never gave you nuthin'

CLICK ME.

Josh Groban LIVE in CONCERT

Life being what it is, I haven't had a moment to post about the Josh Groban concert since Wednesday. Tried to do it a couple of times at work, but my bosses have the most annoying habit of actually showing up at the office. Jeez! How inconsiderate. How is a girl supposed to get any blogging done when we're guilt-tripped into WORKING, eh?

Anyway - the concert was at 7:30, and we don't get out of work until 5, so it was a bit dodgy time-wise at the get-go. I actually got out of work a little early, and picked us up a bite to eat on my way home, so by the time Bear pulled in the driveway, all we had to do was nosh and run.

We hit major traffic, due to the fact that seventeen meeeelion people between where we were and where we were going got into fender-benders, and all the other ass-hats on the road had to jam their brakes on in case there was any gore or blood to see.

As it was, we made it to the venue about halfway through the opening act, and WOW, what an opening act! Her name is Angelique Kidjo, (click the link to see one of her music videos) and she hails from Africa. This woman has a voice like a wall of power, and she dances up a storm too! She's got a strong, positive personality, and she really got the audience warmed up for the main course.


Then... the lights went down, everyone started screaming, and the music came up... and then, a waterfall of the sweetest sounds on earth, all coming from one rather unassuming throat. I don't care who was in the audience - grandmothers, housewives, guys who were wishing they were at the ball game - when he started singing, everyone there fell under his spell.

I've always had a weird reaction to beauty - it makes me cry. So I sat there and basically streamed tears through the entire concert. I think I was making the lady next to me nervous. She kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye as if she expected me to do something psychotic. But I just sat there, beaming and streaming. I couldn't really say too much more than "wow", and then "WOW". When someone can put their soul into a song and is generous enough to give it to you, there isn't much else to say.

It's very rare, in my experience, to hear someone live that sounds as good as or better than their engineered recordings. This was definitely one of those times. And it was a pleasant surprise to find out that Josh is really a funny guy - his between song banter was pretty hysterical, especially when Angelique Kidjo came out to do a duet with him and ended up by trying to get him to take off his belt so he could "learn to dance better". The audience was howling by the time that little battle was over. I think he was actually nervous she was going to try and get it off him by force! She is a woman to be reckoned with, and you can tell she usually gets what she wants. She didn't in this case, but we applauded her efforts, anyway.

As the concert neared its close, I became a little nervous. He still hadn't sung "You Lift Me Up". Was he NOT going to sing it? I know this tour is for his new album, "Awake", but come on, he couldn't just leave that song out, could he??? He took his bow and said good night, and walked off stage. The crowd stomped and clapped and yelled, and within two minutes, he popped back out. The crowd went crazy.


Loved the encore song, but it was "Canto Alla Vita", which he had previously done as a duet with Andrea Corr. He bowed and left again. We kept stomping, kept screaming, kept clapping. This time a few more minutes went by.

Suddenly, a bright spotlight hit the middle of the stage. Josh came up from the underworld wearing a New York Islanders jersey, and started singing "You Lift Me Up". It was mayhem. Everyone was coming out of their chairs, and I swear I could actually feel my feet leave the ground just for a second or two.

It was SO GREAT. Thanks, Bear!

For those of you who never heard Josh, here's the duet with Andrea Corr. Even if he couldn't sing a lick, this vid would be worth it for her lips alone. *wink*

this is how far Steven Seagal has fallen

You can tell by the look on his face that he realizes it, too. He's like, "Oh, great. I've been photographed with Carrot Top. No one will believe I'm one of the Dalai Lama's homeboys now. My life is now officially over."

it's all over but the flyin'

Out of respect for those of you who have not yet purchased or read "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", I will NOT reveal any details about the book in this post.

It is now 8:10pm on Saturday, July 21, 2007. I have just finished the book. The only thing that I can compare it to is the feeling one gets immediately after stepping off the largest, fastest, most exciting roller coaster in the world. Slightly euphoric, a little teary-eyed, most triumphant, somewhat proud, and completely exhausted.

Now for last night's book release party... WHAT A RIOT!!! I've never been to a midnight book release party before, but this one was the mama of them all, I think.

I was somewhat of a "celeb" from the get-go, due to the amazing stitch-work of Bear, who created a Professor McGonagall costume to rival those in the movies. The people who worked at the bookstore actually freaked out slightly when I arrived, because they were having a costume contest for the kiddies during the party, and they feared a complete overthrow.

One of the party coordinators approached me early on and said that she knew I'd probably dressed up so that I could be in the costume contest, but (and here her brow wrinkled in fear of my reply) would I agree to act as a "special guest judge" instead?

Of course I accepted the honor, because heck, it was for the kids, and I didn't dress up to beat anyone else anyway. The fact that they were asking me to judge the contest was complement enough on my costume. Besides, it was more fun to be a guest judge than a participant!

The most gratifying of all my encounters with other Potter fans were the third- and fourth-graders who sucked in their breath when they saw me, tugged on their parents' sleeves, and said, "Look! It's Professor McGonagall!" in hushed and reverent tones. I would immediately ask to take their pictures, which removed all their nervousness, and I got some of the most charming, disarming smiles...

See what you think...

A wee wizard casts a spell

Hagrid (looking a bit shorter than usual but just as hairy)
waits to register for his book

Signing up for the big costume contest

The Boy Who Lived!

Harry and his owl, Hedwig
(I was nearly laughing too hard
to take this picture - what a hoot!)

Believe it or not, the "Hogwarts student" in the center
is a muggle air traffic controller. Yes, really.


Bear gets a visit from Hedwig

A little red-haired elfin princess
posing as a witch

Even witches listen to their ipods when
catching up on their charms homework!

Suddenly the room goes cold and it
feels as if I'll never be happy again...
DEMENTORS!

Harry, with pre-reparo glasses

First-year Hogwarts students

The smile says it all

And now... a few pictures of yours truly. Erm, I mean Professor McGonagall.

Professor McGonagall catches up on
a little light reading...





Four points from Gryffindor if I catch you
out of bed past curfew!

I'm usually teaching Transfiguration
but there's always time for romance!

Having a wand-a-ful time!

looking over my shoulder

It's down to the wire. Today is the day. Up until now, it's just been happy planning and costume making and trying on square glasses. But now, I have to admit, I'm really getting nervous.

I was going to wear my "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" tee shirt to work today, but I am afraid to, as that may lead to Harry Potter conversations, and I just know one of my bosses or co-workers will be happy to spill the beans on the latest leak about "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".

Not only am I jumpy about hearing leaks (no TV or radio for me today), I am actually realizing that tonight I will find out whether Harry lives or dies, and I know it's a book, I know it is... but I still feel like I may be losing someone I know. My guts are kind of tied up in knots, and I have a feeling if anyone tells me anything about the book, I'll black their eye for them.

I always try not to get too worked up about stuff before it happens, but this one snuck up on me. I was just looking forward to the midnight book release party, working on my Professor McGonagall robes with Bear, and going to see the new movie - tra la laaaa la laaaa. Suddenly I'm getting those rollercoaster feelings in my stomach, like I'm about to go to the prom.

By tomorrow this will all be over, and I'll know for sure what happens to Harry.

YIKES.

kibun basher for the day

So the chunky female sales rep leaves the office, and one of our workers says, "Damn, she looks like a whole different person."

I say, "What do you mean?"

He replies, "She's lost something like 20 or 30 pounds."

I say, "Oh - so she used to be hefty, huh?"

He says, "No offense, but she used to look sort of like you."


Pass the air cakes, please. I'm starving.

adieu until Saturday...

I am not reading comments again, or visiting any of my usual haunts online, until after the release of the Harry Potter book, due to news reports that leaks are on the loose.

It would really suck to find out what happens in the book before I've read it.

See you after Saturday!

Just when I thought this summer couldn't get any more exciting....

Bear surprised me today with tickets to a Josh Groban concert next Wednesday night!

I think I may just explode dive into a cloud pool of pink daisies champagne!

i'm under a curse

There seems to be something going on lately with my lunch. My yogurt, specifically. I have the feeling that I may be under some little-known dietary curse - the yogurt curse.

I have just started a new diet - actually, just a new way of eating - where I eat five or six small meals during the day, rather than three large meals. Combined with going back to the gym three times a week, I am hoping to tone up and slim down.

However.

The last few times I have brought yogurt with me as one of my small meals, it hasn't worked out. The first time, I completely forgot that the yogurt was in the refrigerator, and thus didn't bring it with me to work. This made it very difficult to eat while I was at work. Impossible, actually.

The second time I brought it, my co-worker complained of starving to death, and I gave her my yogurt out of the goodness of my heart. Again, no yogurt for me.

And today, I both remembered to bring the yogurt, and managed not to give it away before time to eat it. But when I went to the refrigerator to get it, I noticed that the foil seal on the top was open. What the ??? It certainly wasn't open when I brought it in this morning, otherwise the liquidy stuff that you have to stir into it before eating would have leaked out all over my purse.

When I sat down at my desk and removed the foil top the rest of the way, I found an extremely unattractive, hard, dry skin had formed across the top of the yogurt. When I gingerly pushed that aside with my spoon and delved to the creamy part below, it looked all miscolored and curdly.

So I flushed the whole thing down the toilet. At this point I was so grossed out I don't think I could have eaten yogurt even if someone had walked in and handed me a brand new one.

Ew. The yogurt curse is really gross. I guess it's just as well, since yogurt gives me explosive gas - and I work in a very small office.

The day after...

Look! It's the ass hat that was kicking my seat!

So - since bitching is so much a part of blogging, let me get this off my chest. Yesterday's "IMAX 3-D" experience was somewhat diminished by the fact that the website declined to mention that the "3-D" portion of the evening was only available IN THE NEW YORK CITY LOCATION. Thanks for that.

And since the seats are extremely vertically staggered, the feet of the person sitting behind you are at the level of your headrest. Which means that when they kick your seat, they are sending vibrations down your neck, which is already spasming from bending back to look straight up at the ceiling, which is where the movie is being projected. I whipped around and gave the offending twatsqueak a stern McGonagallesque stare, and that pretty much fixed things.

On the good side, you didn't really need 3-D because the picture was SO HUGE that half the time you felt like you were in danger of falling into Harry's left nostril. It would have been fine, though, since just one of his nose hairs approximated the size of a small sapling, and would have offered plenty to cling to in the event of a sneeze.

On the bad side, distance scenes involving multiple people were difficult to watch, because you had to whip your head from side to side to see who was talking to whom.

On the good side, the closeup scenes were really intense, because there was so much detail available to the naked eye that you'd miss in the regular theater. The flying scenes were also particularly fun when viewed on a domed surface - very stomach-bumpy and cool.

On the bad side, I forgot that the guy had told us before the movie started to exit out the top of the theater when we left, so like a dork I headed down the stairs, only to be stopped by the pimply fourteen year old guy wearing the blue NASA jumpsuit. It's bad enough when you make a dork out of yourself in front of complete strangers, but being corrected by a pimply fourteen year old guy who is way too into his NASA jumpsuit, with all its accompanying pins and patches, is REALLY EMBARRASSING.

On the good side, Bear and I had a really good time, and the movie provided the perfect prequel to FINISHING MY PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL ROBES!!!!

Yes, they're done!!

Pictures to follow shortly...

And tomorrow..... it's......

HP IN 3-D AT THE IMAX THEATER!!!!

WOO-HOOOOOO!

Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix, or GO CENTAURS!!!

General Opinion:

I loved it.

A More Specific Opinion:

If I hear one more muggle whining, "But they cut SO much ouuuuuuut!" I will have Hagrid cut off their nargles and string them upside down by the toes in the Forbidden Forest. It's a MOVIE, people. A movie will never, EVER be as diverse and far reaching, with as many sub-plots and developed side characters, as a book. It's restricted by time and budget, and it will never be word for word and scene for scene like the book. So get over it already.

Why not focus on what they did include in the movie, and how great it was? Is your goblet of pumpkin juice half full or half empty, bowtruckle-brains?


Harry:

Definitely older and more mature now (and, dare I say it, kinda hot!), but he seemed to always be running about and doing things. Not as many tender private moments, like when he sat in the window of Hogwarts with his owl, Hedwig, on that first night, and pondered his life and what had brought him there. Even his first kiss with Cho Chang seemed a bit short-lived due to all the hair-raising stresses in Harry's life this go round.

Favorite Harry scene: When he shouts at Dumbledore and stops everyone's heart at once. (That's everyone in the room with him, and everyone in the theater as well.) One of the most powerful scenes in the movie.



Ron:

I like the way his character has morphed throughout the films. In this movie he starts to show a little real appreciation for Hermione - the first stirrings of what will become twoo wuv later on! I've always felt that the actor, Rupert Grint, is pretty much a living version of Ron Weasley anyway, so he's always spot-on for the role.

Favorite Ron scene: When he and Hermione almost argue like old times, then start to laugh at themselves.



Hermione:

Far and away the most improved actor of the series. This time she's really hit her stride. She's calmed down a bit, and settled into what Hermione is all about - not so much curl bouncing and arm waving... she lets her face show what's in her heart. The fact that the story line has set her free a bit at this point really helps. She's no longer the bossy know-it-all, she's a budding rebel, and as Rita Skeeter once said, everyone loves a rebel.

Favorite Hermione scene: When she is introducing Harry to the potential members of Dumbledore's Army and she visibly overcomes her natural aversion to speaking Voldemort's name, in order to give Harry the inspiration he needs to lead the group. A sacrifice for a friend that was felt by the entire audience even though she wasn't even facing the camera when the scene played out. Powerful and a bit throat-tightening.


Albus Dumbledore:

We start to see Dumbly-dore becoming older and less commanding in this film, which makes me sad even though I know it's part of his story line, indeed everyone's story line. I like to remember him as the powerful, lion-like wizard who always had the answers, and in this movie his frailty is showing. He does do a bang-up job of defending Harry at the Ministry of Magic hearing, however.

Favorite Dumbledore scene: When he takes Professor Trelawney back into the school after Dolores Umbridge gives her the sack. His loyalty is one of his best qualities, and his willingness to give people a second chance. A stand-up guy, is our Dumbledore.

Note: I still miss Richard Harris dearly. He will always be the "real" Albus Dumbledore to me.



Lucius Malfoy:

Hmmm. Long platinum hair? Check. Big stick? Check. Killer cheekbones and icy blue eyes? Check and double-check. Still the hottest Death Eater around.

Favorite Lucius Malfoy scene: When he gets a little antsy at the near-miss confrontation between Bellatrix Lestrange (perfectly played by the uber-creepy Helena Bonham-Carter) and Neville Longbottom, and asks them to calm down so he can get his hands on the prophecy before Harry spikes it into a million shards on the stone floor.



Sirius Black:

Gary Oldman is one of my all-time favorite actors, and the fact that he is playing Harry's godfather just makes me weep all the harder when he falls backward through the Veil of Mysteries. Damn!
Favorite Sirius Black scene: When he hugs Harry after showing him the tapestry of the Black Family Tree. There's something that Harry needs so much more of in his life - hugs.



Dolores Jane Umbridge:

That smarmy, pepto-bismol wearing, simpering biotch! Imelda Staunton is flawless as the butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-crotch Umbridge, with her powdered-sugary voice not remotely hiding her rotting, maggotty soul.

Favorite Dolores Umbridge scene: DUH - when the centaurs drag her ass off and do whatever they do to her in the Forbidden Forest that fixes her little pink wagon for good and all! One good thing about centaurs - when they "take umbrage", they really take Umbridge!



Severus Snape:

One of the best baddies in Hogwarts history. Still as much like an overgrown bat as ever. With Snape, every night is Hallowe'en! His role was very small in this film, but he still managed to come across with the old slithering, cynical punch.

Favorite Snape scene: When Dolores Umbitch digs at him because he applied for but did not get the Defence Against the Dark Arts teaching position, and after she minces out of the room, he wallops Ron over the head for smirking.


Now What:

Since I wasn't hard-core enough to go to the midnight opening on a weeknight, my only recourse is to get my hands on tickets to an IMAX 3-D showing immediately. I didn't even know there was such a thing, until I found it online tonight. Anyway, Bear needs a break from the sewing machine, where he is currently slaving away on the collar of my Professor McGonagall costume for next Friday night!

Where I spent a goodly part of my afternoon

GREETINGS, MOST EXCELLENT

DUDES AND BABES!

You know, come to think of it, my history of crime involving Keanu Reeves is more cryptically deep than I had originally realized. I mean, in the previous post I was joking around about Keanu's recent movie cop character arresting me for the heinous crimes of my past.

However.

When I was something like eighteen years old, I discovered a movie starring Keanu Reeves called "Permanent Record". But alas! it was no longer in production. So I rented it from the local video store and when they contacted me to get it back, I told them that I had "left it on top of my car accidentally and drove away", and then I paid them for the "lost video". Which was securely tucked between "Ladyhawke" and "The Princess Bride" on my shelf at the time.

Do you see how people on the internet can sometimes be much, much darker and more sinister than you ever would have suspected from reading their blogs?

It makes you think, doesn't it?

I should be arrested

No, really. I'm a menace.

I stole a playing card once.

Not the whole pack,

just one card.

That's grounds, right?

It's hard to be pissed off when people give you what you want

So I was all pissed off today because my favorite radio station, "Jack-FM 101.1" was suddenly cancelled mid-afternoon and replaced with its predecessor, "CBS-FM" (moldy oldies). Apparently, JackFM went to high def, and some old farts had been lobbying to get CBSFM back again. Including people like Paul Schaeffer from Late Night With David Letterman.

The reasons I liked Jack so much were that they stood by their commitment to never repeat a song during the ENTIRE WORK WEEK. And they played tons of '80s music, which is totally my favorite era of rock.

So I was all worked up to start hatin' on CBS-FM, and then they played "Brick House", followed by "Brown-Eyed Girl". It's damn hard to hate a station that plays my favorites back to back, okay? If you think I didn't get up and dance to Brick House, right next to my desk, you're on crack. Cuh. Rack.

And just when I was all excited about the possibilities of this new "oldies" station fitting into my work day, they played Tom Jones, otherwise known as "He Whose Crotch Cannot Be Named".

My mother used to think he was cute, and watch him on TV when he guested on the Lawrence Welk show. Or some other square-ass variety show. My sister and I used to giggle at how his polyester pants were so tight you could tell where he kept his banana and peaches.

You gotta give him points for eating healthy, though. It takes a lot of fruity acids to help digest all those nylon panties.

Where we went and what we did for Bear's birthday

***

We went here...

And saw this...

And this...

And then we did this....

Until the room looked like this...

And we felt like this...

And then we were hungry, so we walked over here...

Enjoying the fact that a
bike rally was happening
somewhere nearby...

The next day we went here...

And saw this...

And then we were confronted
by the holy tree dragon...

And we became enlightened.

THE END.

IT'S TONIGHT! IT'S TONIGHT!!!!!!! (but I'm not going until tomorrow night)

Okay, up until this point I have totally been polite to those of you who are clueless not Harry Potter fans, and I have not textually orgasmed gone on and on and on about the upcoming Harry Potter MANIA that is taking place - starting with tonight's movie release of "HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX", and continuing with next Saturday's midnight book release of "HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS".

See how good I've been? And see how putting things completely in capital letters really drives home how very important they are? DO YOU SEE?!?!?

Because people, the politeness bullshit is OVER. As in "O". "VER".

'Kay, so I'm spending, like, every single night on the kitchen floor with Bear. Get your mind out of the gutter, muggles. We're working on my Professor McGonagall robes! For me to wear to the midnight release party at Borders! Next Saturday night!! And we still have the collar and both sleeves to create!......!!! Nothing like a little pressure to really get the creative juices flowing. Thank the gods my husband can actually sew, and create patterns for incredibly difficult costumes in his head... otherwise I'd be sunk.

Even though tonight is the official movie release, we're going to go to zen practise as planned, and as a treat I've purchased "director's hall tickets" for tomorrow night. Director's hall tickets means I got to look at a little screen display of all the empty seats in the theater and purchase the exact two seats that I wanted for the show. Which means that a) I got great seats and b) even if we show up two seconds before the movie starts, our seats are still our seats. How cool is that, I ask you? Sure, it's a little more pricy than regular tickets, but we're talking about Harry Potter, so the value is there, peeps. My Nana used to say that about anything she spent too much money on. The value is there. Got to be a family joke. Since she's passed on (or is she pining for the fjords?), it's up to me to continue the tradition.

To all you Harry Potter fans out there - ROCK ON! WOO HOO!!!

To all you non-fans - ummmm........... look! a chicken!

SHHHHHHHHHH!

Don't tell anyone, but tomorrow I am taking Bear on an uber-secret Birthday Trip Extraordinaire! His birthday is actually Monday, but who the hell parties on a Monday, I ask you?

We will be staying at __________ in __________, dining out at ________ and then going to _________ on Sunday, where we will _________________.

It's very difficult to post when your husband reads your blog. Sorry, folks, but that's all you get until we get back. With pictures.

And no, I have no idea who that chick in the picture is. Thought it was Angelina at first, but then I realized that I can't see every one of her metacarpals in bas relief, there are no veins resembling the Sierra Nevada, and you can't use this girl's jawbone to slim-jim someone's car door open - so it can't possibly be Angie.

no, JUST YOU

Does anyone besides me feel guilty when they play solitaire at work?

No, not because you're wasting time when you should be diligently expending your energy to make your company more successful.

Because you casually throw the queens on top of whatever king becomes available. Like they're just cheap hussies who don't care at all whether they land on top of a Club or a Spade.

I feel like I'm betraying my own sex by the sheer callousness of it all.

Don't even get me started on the whole Jack-on-top-of-Queen thing... I mean, how many kings do you know that would tolerate a Jack on top of their Queen?

It's worse than Peyton Place.

because I'm trying not to be lame

Okay, so I'm posting stupid shit because I don't want to be one of those "fair weather bloggers" - I don't need to point fingers or name names, because you know who you are...

Even though I did not do anything very typical for 4th of July (a french toast brunch at my dad's house)... no fireworks, no simulcast radio stations, no beer, no hot dogs, etc. I am not going to use that as an excuse to lay around ignoring my blog.

In my desperation to find someone who is still actually blogging, I started reading the blogs on other people's blog lists. And I came to a startling conclusion. Or, really, more of a question.

How is it that you can love, love, LOVE someone's blog, but absolutely HATE the blogs they like to read? I mean. Doesn't it seem like a person who has such a connection with you - even in your own imagination - would continue the connection by liking things that you like?

For that matter, have you ever noticed how your very best friend, the person you like more than any of your other friends, can marry a complete asshole? And you sit back and think, "Now, how could this have happened?"

Does it mean that the people we think are so cool are actually NOT that cool? Or that people can BE cool in reality, but simultaneously have very bad judgement?

I haven't really come to terms with this conundrum as of yet, but since many of my favorite bloggers are off polishing the rocks instead of blogging, I suppose I'll be relegated to reading more of their bloglisters.... which is kind of like blisters with a log in it.

Yeah.

In a New York minute

If anyone has ever asked me why I live in New York, which they have, I would have to relate to them this story, which took place in only slightly over a minute's time.

Bear and I went to a local ice cream parlor the other evening. We got waffle cones (mine mint chocolate chip, his chocolate almond fudge) and went to sit down on one of their outdoor park benches to enjoy the night air and our desserts. Our bench just happened to be facing the window on the side of the building, through which we could see one of those coin-operated vending machines. You know, the one with the three-fingered claw that you maneuver until it's over the prize you want, and then it proceeds to not even halfway attempt to pick it up, and you sigh as the silver claws slide griplessly over the prize you coveted? That one.

A young teenage girl and her grandfather approached the machine. She inserted a quarter, and, as usual, the claw came up empty. The girl had spunk, though - she immediately popped another quarter in, and tried again. Miracle of miracles, the claw picked up a toy and dropped it into the chute! Bear and I were cheered by this, especially the look on the grandfather's face as they returned to their table bearing their stuffed prize. It was sweet.

As the family left the restaurant a moment later, they passed right by our bench, and we congratulated them on their skill. We told them that we'd never seen anyone win on those machines, and it made us happy that she did. They said that the girl was very good at those particular machines, and that she had a bedroom full of toys she'd won. We were impressed. They said good night, and moved on.

Bear and I continued to chat for a few moments, working our way through the waffle cones, when suddenly the young girl returned. She was blushing furiously, and she stuck the stuffed animal out towards Bear and said, "I want you to have it." He started blushing furiously, and shook his head, starting to say, "No, no, no, you keep it" in a rather panicky voice. I saw what the girl was trying to do, and that it had taken a lot of bravery to make this effort, and I nudged him with my elbow as I reached out for the black and white stuffed kitty and said "Thank you very much, that was so nice of you!". She said, "You're welcome" and then ran off at full speed to get in the car with her family.

I waited until she was out of sight, and then proceeded to put the cat in Bear's lap and tease him mercilessly about the itty bitty kitty pwesent. He laughed too, and even got into the spirit of things by making the kitty wave at the girl over the back of our park bench as her grandparents drove out of the parking lot. Everyone in the car got a big kick out of that.

And then, suddenly, there was Bear sitting and playing with his new toy, and another family walked out of the restaurant. A big, burly man with his very pregnant wife and their young son. The man took one look at Bear and said, "Nice cat."

Bear turned eight shades of purple and tried to pretend that he hadn't been playing with the stuffed cat. No dice. All of us - the entire family, plus some other people that were outside the place, and Bear and I - started belly laughing. There was nothing Bear could say to make the situation any worse or any better, so we all just got hysterical there with strangers on a lovely summer evening.

THIS is why I live in NY.