Recently and somewhat randomly, I looked up someone who used to be my best friend from sixth grade almost through high-school.
The reason I remember the borders of that friendship so well is that what brought us together was her mother's death. My mother started a school library fund in memory of her mother, and I invited her to my church youth group. We became extremely close friends.
Then, in our junior year in high-school, her taste in friends took a swing toward the rich and snobby. She basically dumped me in favor of her new buddies, who drove to school in the brand new BMWs their parents bought them. One of my clearest memories of that time is her literally kicking my shin under the table at lunch for telling a story about a vacation trip she took with my family. She didn't want her new friends to know she hung around with me outside of school.
That's all water under the bridge, of course, and I guess I looked her up to see what thirty years going by had made of her. As it turns out, she is now an ordained pastor in the United Methodist Church, as is her husband. She has three children, the oldest is 17, and she has been married for 20 years. She replied to my inquiry in a very friendly way, and we have exchanged a few emails so far.
I feel once again the faith barrier problem that so often happens, especially with people who knew me as the raucously zealous Born-Again Christian that I was when I was growing up. They fully expect me to be the same person I was then (only moreso), and I find myself trying to decide whether to just avoid the topic of spirituality altogether or to go ahead and get it over with, and watch the not-so-gentle decline into non-communication begin.
When I try to explain that I embrace their choices and support them in their faith just as much as I do everyone in their own spiritual path, I always feel as though I'm fighting an uphill battle. Because I came from a Christian background, I know the narrow minded viewpoint, the party line, the "there is only One Right Way and it's This Way" belief system, and I know that hoping for an equal measure of respect for the spiritual path I have chosen is basically pointless.
I think that my life, my personality, my relationships, hobbies, and viewpoints have merit all on their own, without having to be validated by the filter of religion. I have respect for and friendships with people of many differing faiths, Christianity included. But I seem to find reciprocal respect lacking from Christians in general, and Christians that I grew up with in particular. Which has always seemed odd considering some of the main tenets of the faith, such as "Love your neighbor as yourself" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
And so I continue writing to my old friend, waiting to see how long it takes before the old religion axe falls. She certainly seems to have come a long way from the girl I knew in high-school. Perhaps she'll surprise me.
