Under, over, around, through

As each person's life and personality are completely different, so, I believe, is each person's way of dealing with grief.

Since my father's death on Valentine's Day, I have been surprised by myself. I don't know if I expected furious upheaval, tearing of hair, or complete numbness, but I certainly did not expect this anticlimactic seeming-peace.

I am able to talk about my father to friends, family, and even complete strangers with no difficulty whatsoever. My eyes may get teary, or they may not. I have not had panic attacks. I have not even slept badly. I have not pounded my chest and screamed "WHY?" even once.

It's almost as if a light went on when he died. I said, "Oh, now I understand. It's like this." And what "this" means, as far as I can tell, is that I am part of the earth, and by way of the earth, the universe. My father is part of the earth, and so the universe. What form he takes is not actually important, nor is it in any way up to me. I was not consulted.

The one thing (aside from the complete support and love of my husband, family, and friends - of course) that I actually craved after my father's passing may seem very strange to anyone who is not me.

I craved Hamlet.

Not just any Hamlet, either. In specific came my craving, and that only for the Hamlet of Kenneth Branagh, which I by happy circumstance had most recently obtained in DVD format.



By some aligning of the stars, this particular movie-play, in all its fullness and completeness, was the salve to my brains, the comfort to my soul. In Hamlet's grief my grief played out, and his resounding soliloquies were harmony to the chords of mine own heart.



In his yearning to understand his father's death, and beyond that, the fate of mankind, I found a kindred feeling towards all who have ever lost one dear to them, and towards masters of the arts like Kenneth Branagh, who have made it their life's work to bring those stories and life lessons to us in the most rich and wonderful way possible.

As if the story, in all its entirety in the words of Shakespeare himself, is not enough to recommend this movie (and in my opinion, it is), there is the supporting cast, which includes Charlton Heston, Kate Winslet, Robin Williams, Rufus Sewell, Julie Christie, Billy Crystal, Dame Judi Dench, Sir Derek Jacobi, Jack Lemmon, Brian Blessed, Gerard Depardieu, and the list goes on...